Making friends

Hi!

I'm back!

I have relocated from Qatar to Thailand. Now that I am (quite) settled in, I think I can start blogging again.

And since I moved, I am having a challenging time making friends. 

Making friends should be natural and not forced. I am the type of person who is civil to everyone. I am no Ms. Congeniality but I'm also not Ms. Snob. Working in a hospitality business for 11 years, you have that "Smile Face On" every time you meet someone. 

I always look for someone that I'll have a special connection. Meeting a lot of people from different background, different culture and different social status, I have "profiled" the people that I would like to be friends with.

I look for meaningful conversation. Something that I can share my thoughts and learn from. I hate gossiping because I don't want people to talk about me behind my back. Though it is inevitable, at least, I try not to be same as them.

I try to shy away from negative people, because I know negativity will affect your view about life. I have met people who complain about everything. I came to a point that I started complaining about small things. Then I realized that the people I hang out with are poisoning me. That is not healthy. So I started to gradually remove myself from that situation.

I have friends who live in gossiping and I don't want to even participate on those stuff. They were bad mouthing a person that is close to me even though they have not spent an ample time to know the person. When they asked me about my opinion, I blatantly said "She's good to me. She has not done anything to hurt or offend me. So I have nothing bad to say." With that, they stopped talking about my friend.

I have different friends from different group but I always have tiny but trusted number of friends. I am not the type of person who likes to be in a large group. If I do, I will have 1 or 2 people that I will bond and share special connection.

Thinking back, I have always had 2 close friends from elementary to high school. College is a different thing. I have always thought that I am weird for being quiet. Later in life, I realize that I am an introvert forcing myself to be an extrovert.

Currently, I have one close friend that I share my thoughts and tries to encourage me to be better.

I know I don't need to force myself in making friends. I just want someone who enjoys drinking coffee while reading a book with me.

I want a meaningful connection.

What do you look for a friend? Please share your thoughts. :)

xoxo,
Katey

I thought you were my last

Dear Ex,

How are you? I hope everything is okay with you. How's work? I hope you find a better company. I know that yours are not treating their staff fairly.

So... why did I even write you a letter? Well... I know you don't care but I would like to tell you that I am doing fine. Work is a bit challenging. But you know me, I love challenges. :) Probably that's the reason why we became an item.

Remember when I used to bully you? You hated me but you also liked me at the same time. My honesty is a little brutal, I know. My mouth is faster than my brain.

How about the time when I "forced" you to drink coffee? That was fun! I didn't know you'd get a stomachache when you drink coffee. But hey! You grew out of it. We always have our coffee date every week since then.

I don't like singing. I think I have an awful voice but you made me sing. And you love listening to my singing voice.

I don't like to cook. But you love my adobo... more than your Mama's cooking. Which is a compliment coz your Mama is a good cook.

Probably I miss what we had, but I don't miss the fights. When every simple conversation turns into a misunderstanding. When we hurt each other with words that we can never take back. Well... I started missing you when you changed. When every little thing I do or say irritates you. That's when you started comparing me to her. 

Yes, I miss you but not romantically. I have passed that stage. I miss the friendship, the laughter, the series marathon, the midnight snacks, and our people watching.

Remember the last time we had our coffee and I cried because I asked "What happened to us?".

I also want to say I'm sorry if I hurt you when I chose my happiness. But I don't need to apologize for choosing my happiness. So I'll just say, I'm sorry for the times that I have hurt you.

Thank you for the years of being together. It was indeed a roller coaster of emotion. We had our highs which I will keep. And we had our lows which I will treasure. Thank you for introducing me to your family whom I love dearly. They have accepted me as their own and for that I am grateful.

Please believe me when I say, I am truly happy now that you have a girlfriend. I wish you all the best and will always include you in my nightly prayer. God sent you to me on my lowest, when I started doubting myself. Things may not have turned out the way we wanted them to be. But I know our purpose for each other has reached its finish line.

So... just take care of yourself and please behave, okay?

Your Ex

How to make your relationship work

I wouldn't consider myself a love or relationship guru but I think I had a diverse relationship that helped me provide some valuable input in making a relationship last.

I can compare finding a (lifetime) partner to hailing a cab. If you are lucky enough, you have an available cab pass by your street. Most of the time, you need to wait for a cab to come along. And sadly enough, some needs to fight over a cab. On how the ride will turn out to be, that’s the responsibility of the driver and the passenger.

So what do you need to make your journey as a couple work, and hopefully, last.

Set and know each other’s expectations

More often than not, we enter a relationship without knowing what’s in store for us. We love the element of surprise. I was one until a partner asked me “What are your expectations in this relationship?” I was taken off guard. Once I regain my composure, I was able to think straight. Knowing what you want in a relationship and in your partner is essential. You and your partner will have a clear picture of what you want to have and what you are capable of giving and receiving.

Communicate

Communication is vital in a relationship. When I say “Communicate”, it doesn’t mean communicate only when your partner upsets you. Yes, you should be open with your emotion especially if you feel offended or hurt. But more than that, sharing important things with your partner is a good bonding moment.

Share about your work, or a new hobby of yours. It may be mundane to you but maybe it is interesting to your partner.

Do things together

Like communication, doing things together will make your relationship stronger and more fun. Why not start a hobby together. Learn a new language and practice it with each other. Read a book and share what you think of a certain chapter. Do the laundry together or wash the dishes while your partner wipes it dry.  Come to think of it, relationship is a team effort.

Me time

In as much that you want to spend every waking day with each other, you need some “Me time”. Me time doesn't mean alone time. Me time can mean a visit to your mom, a movie date with your sisters or a coffee date with your girlfriends. Me time also applies to your partner: A boy’s night out, a basketball game with his high school/college friends or a drinking session with his dad and brothers.

Having me time will energize and rejuvenate your individuality. Before you enter this relationship, you have a life of your own. So why stop living?

Learn each other’s interest

In point 3, I suggested to do things together that both of you enjoy. But how about learning something new? Learn your partner’s passion. It may be her passion for skincare or his passion for comics, her passion for art or his passion for sports.  You don’t need to love their interest but at least know a few things about it. Start with reading an article or two. Maybe watch him during his basketball game with his friends or accompany her in her visit to museum. Perhaps, you will discover that her or his interest is appealing and fascinating.

Support each other
You're not in a relationship to compete with each other. Be each other's cheerleader. Your partner will come to you to share their problem with their work, friends or family. Just be there when things get tough.

If they share something that they are passionate about, listen and give advice if asked. Be enthusiastic and be an active listener. If things are unclear to you, ask them questions instead of being negative about it. 

Also, celebrate their success. To celebrate their happiness and triumph shows that you are proud of them. Every partner wants to make their partner proud. 

Respect each other’s privacy

In this day and age, we are so attach to social media and technology that we want to know our partner’s whereabouts and password to her or his mobile, email and social media account. I actually don’t want my privacy invaded. There is a reason why you have a password in your email, it is personal. Regardless if you are in a relationship, it doesn't give you the right to access your partner’s mobile, email or social media. However, I applaud those who give their password freely and openly. I had a partner who gave his password to his email and social media. I didn't open it. Not unless he asks me to check an email he expects or asks me to send an email on his behalf. He gave it to me freely but I still respect his privacy. Not giving your partner an access to your account doesn't mean that you are hiding something but it means you want to keep your privacy. And if you are really faithful to each other, you will not do anything that will hurt the relationship.

Compose and Compromise

Don’t expect a relationship to be all bright and dandy. Relationship is like a roller coaster ride. 

Discussion and misunderstanding is normal. When you reach that part of relationship when you get to each other’s nerve: stop and breathe. Get a grip of yourself until you can think clearly. You don’t need to push your ideals to your partner and same with them. Meet half way and compromise. But once you compromise, don’t blame each other if things didn't work out. Compromise doesn't mean that you let go of your ideals and belief but it means that you are open to change and you value your relationship more than your ego.

Apologize

Saying sorry is so easy to say nowadays that you question its authenticity. When you say sorry, you need to mean it and know why and what you are sorry for. Some people say sorry just to end the argument. And some say it not knowing why they need to say sorry. When your partner apologize, you need to ask them if they know what made you upset. You will be surprise to hear “I don’t know.” If your partner is honest enough to admit their shortcoming by not knowing what they did to upset you, you need to reciprocate their honesty. Discuss what hurt you and why. This will spare both of you of future misunderstanding.

But not all apologies are accepted, so don’t feel dishearten when things didn't go back to normal. Just be patient and make sure you don’t do the same mistake.

Forgive

This is connected to point 9. We know that forgiving is not easy especially when you really are hurt. But forgiving is also a choice. If you choose to forgive your partner, you are ready to start anew. You are ready to let go and move on. The common mistake in forgiving is, forgiving too easily. In doing so, you are not prepared to accept the mistake of your partner and you end up being paranoid. You remind your partner about the mistake and both of you end up hurting each other more.

Spirituality/Belief

No matter what your belief - God, Allah, Higher being or science, it is important that you share this with your partner.

I can only speak for myself as a Catholic. I am lucky to have no issue with my religion with my partner. What I like about my relationship is that, I was able to reconnect with my Creator. I love that we pray together (via Skype) before we sleep and attend mass (as much as possible) every Sunday.

Religion shouldn't be an issue as most religion share the same belief which is to love and respect one another.

I purposely did not include Staying in love, be patient, be understanding and have trust. I believe that these 4 things are fundamental in a relationship. I wanted to share extra pointers that I believe will help make a relationship work and last.

Any relationship pointers you have that you want to share?

Love to hear it from you.

Xoxo,

Katey

Expectation

I was talking to a friend earlier and this is how it went.

Friend: So what's your plan?

Me: I don't know.

Friend: How come you don't know? You always know what to do.

Me: What if I really don't know.

Friend: No. You have everything figured out.

Me: Because that was the expectation.

Friend: So if people expect you to know everything?

Me: But I don't.

We're not just talking about simple things, but we're talking about life. At a very young age, I taught myself to be tough and independent when it comes to dealing with issues. My parents may have given me my wants and my needs as a child but when it comes to talking about issues or dealing with it was not normal in our household. 

My Dad is bossy. He tells you what to do and you have to follow. While my Mom is submissive and prayerful. 

So you see, my parents are quite different from each other. I'm not complaining though. I have always believed that it gave me balance in life.

I'm a mixture of both. I am a little bossy but very understanding at times. I am impatient but I am forgiving. I'm confrontational but I am lenient.

As I have mentioned earlier, I taught myself to deal on my issues on my own. Maybe because, the expectation of my Dad and Mom is too high that I felt that if I failed, I will disappoint them. My Dad expected me to be strong & tough because I'm the firstborn. My Mom expect me to be a model to my two younger sisters. I have some issues that I kept to myself because I felt that it shows weakness.

As time passby I realized that I have mastered the act of "pretending". Pretending everything is bright and dandy. Pretending that I can do whatever, that I don't need anybody's help. 

I learn that I can only rely on myself because most people that I trust are the ones who run away at the sight of a problem. I got used to people telling me their issues and problems. While I kept my issues to myself. 

One of the reasons why I started blogging is to have an outlet for my creativity as well as to talk about issues that I have been dealing and experiencing. 

I might have been a good actress because nobody can read through me. They may feel there is something that is bugging me but they can't seem to figure it out. I can shift my mood very easily and it  works with concealing everything I am feeling.

I try to motivate myself by thinking of the good in everything. Bad things may happen but I try to see the bright side.

I had "the talk" with my Superior and he said "At the end of the day, life goes on." and I replied "I know, I have been telling that to myself". I think he felt my pain.

Lately, I've been feeling a little under the weather but I know that I am doing my best to keep that sunshine over me and in me. 

Oh well... Life goes on...

Sorry if this post is a little depressing. I hope that things will be a little better.

Speak to you soon!!!

Xoxo,

Katey

Name tags

Labeling has been a part of our daily lives. 

In schools, students are categorized by intelligence, abilities and popularity. You have your nerds, jocks, cheerleaders, and losers. Each one longs to be associated with the "popular".

In your work place, employees are categorized by position. Blue collar and white collar, rank & file and senior. You normally see rank & file eats with their rank & file colleagues. Managers share table with managers.

In the society, you have the elite, middle class and the masses. We also categorize people with their choice of fashion. You have the fashionista, emo/goth, jologs/jejemon, rakista, hipsters and the normal ones.

Why do we always put labels in everything? Some may say "To keep everything in its place.". But more than keeping everything in order, labels are mostly use to discriminate and demean a person or a group of person.

I noticed how people make fun of "jejemons". Yes, I cringe when I see them text. With the extra "z" and "s". But what the heck, for sure they know the spelling of "hello" but they prefer using "eow". People make fun of their fashion sense. So what, they feel confident and comfortable with it. I secretly admire those people because they have the "I don't care" attitude. I am so concern with what society will say about me, that I feel trapped. 

I feel like if society does not approve of who you are, expect to be labelled.

I am guilty of putting labels on people and I do FEEL guilty about it. Society has become so judgmental that it poisons not just the mind of people but the heart. 

Every time I fall in this trap, I step back and try to empathize with the person being attacked. I try to put myself in their shoes and ask myself "What will I feel if someone makes fun of me?". I'm not perfect so who am I to judge? 

I know wishing to have a society that is forgiving, less judgmental, accepting, respectful and polite is impossible. (Sigh)

I can start with myself by trying to be less "bitchy". Hihihi... Oh, change!

Any attitude you wish you can change?

Speak to you soon.

Peace & love,

Katey

Self Discovery

When we were young, we have this clear picture of what we wanted to be. Some wanted to be a Doctor, some a Lawyer and some wanted to be a Scientist. I remember that I wanted to be a Nun. Which of course, didn't happened.

Now that I am 30 something, I feel that I am lost. 

I don't know where I wanted to be and what I wanted to be. I've always thought that when I reached a certain age, I have everything figured out. But I was so wrong.

My Dad chose my course in College. I wanted to take up either Psychology or Fine Arts but my Dad wanted me to take up Commerce. Being the eldest daugther, he wanted me to follow his footsteps. The "adult pleaser" and "respectful of authority" in me decided to obey my Dad's decision. I took up Commerce major in Economics. I enjoyed College years because of the organizations I joined in. I was able to dance, cheerdance and be active in socio-civic activities.

Work was okay. My first job was a Sales Assistant aka data encoder. It was not fulfilling but then again, I met new people that became my close friends. Then I moved to Hospitality industry. I worked as a Coordinator then after 3 years relocated in Middle East. I climbed up the corporate ladder. I started as a Receptionist and now, I am holding a managerial position.

I have a fulfilling job and I know that I have made my family proud. Now, you might ask, why do I feel lost? I feel lost because no matter how fulfilling my job is, I am not happy. I know that this path that I took is not what I want to be. I like arts and I like observing people. But my current work does not include either of the two. 

My previous superior told me that he can see a lot of potential in me. That I will be great in my current position. I respect his opinion and I am glad that he sees something great in me but I don't see myself in that field. Instead of being truthful, I said I am upto the challenge. I thought that new tasks and position will make me change my mind, that I am just bored with my job. I have to say that I deliver but I am unhappy.

Giving others the power to decide for my future made me unhappy and lost. No, I don't blame my dad or my previous superior. I blame myself for not standing up with what I want. I wanted to get the approval of my dad that I gave in to his demand even if it means that I will have to set aside my happiness.

I am unhappy. I acknowledge that fact. Though it is difficult for me to do, I started to address this issue. Writing blog is one of my way to keep my creativity alive. I love writing. I have a creative imagination and writing is my way of communicating my thoughts. Also, I return back to zumba classes. I love performing and zumba class helps me to satisfy that passion. I even considering to get zumba instructor certification. 

I am in the process of self-discovery and I know that it will take a lot of time to finally reach that "self-fulfillment" stage. But I am just glad that I finally got the courage to take baby steps.

I know that this entry is lengthy and I thank you for spending your time reading this.

Are you happy with what have now? Or are you experiencing self-discovery just like me?

Speak to you soon! 

Xoxo,

Katey

How are you feeling today?

Chicken Pesto Pasta

One Friday morning, I woke up wanting to cook Pesto pasta. I have the ingredients anyway.

So here's my attempt in cooking Chicken Pesto Pasta.

Nerdy Me!!!

Hi There!!

Just wanna ask which one looks better on me... B)

I love my eyeglasses as much as I love my sunnies. Btw, I do use eyeglasses as I have poor eye sight. I have eyeglasses since my elementary years. B)

xoxo,
Katey

Murakami Ego

Hi There!!

Its been a while since my last post.

Last June 23, my friend and I decided to visit Al-Riwaq Exhibition Hall to see Takashi Murakami masterpieces. The exhibition is entitled Ego.

Sup?

Hi there!!

It has been a busy week! I attended our monthly Winning Ways (small gathering of all employees of the company wherein we announce upcoming activities, promotions etc.) I went to our sister company to help in system configuration and attended a small celebration of a colleague's birthday.

Here's the photos for your viewing pleasure. :)

Arroz Caldo for dinner, canapes & pineapple, Charles & Keith bag, cereal & apple, coconut juice

Just a short post to keep you updated. :)

P.S. I know I have to think of a better post title...

xoxo,

Katey

DIY: Flower Arrangement

Hi there!!!

This would be an earth friendly post.

I love scented candles! I love how it makes my room smell so good and helps me relax. 

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Hi There!

This post is dedicated to my Dad. It was his birthday yesterday, May 27. He's suppose to be 67 years old.

It has been 9 years since he was taken by our Almighty Father. And yes, I still miss him.