These past few days, I have been thinking about this question "Should you give a second chance to the person who previously hurt you?"
Opening yourself again to the person who hurt you in the past is not an easy decision to make. It takes courage, acceptance, trust, maturity, and forgiveness from the person who got hurt.
I believe in giving chances because I believe that people grow and people change. People learn from their mistakes. A person is not defined by his past mistakes.
Out of my 4 exes, I am on good terms with 3.
From all 3 exes, I am really close to one. Though our breakup was really painful for both sides, we remained friends. I was his mentor and confidant. I pushed him to pursue his dream. I listen to his problems (career, family, and relationship). I taught him to be a better leader to his team.
He was very vocal in saying that I was his "The one that got away", his "Greatest love" and he regrets hurting me. I believe him because somehow, I felt the same.
We, including his family, remained in contact. I am actually his daughter's Godmother. When his baby was born, I was the first non-family to hold her. She's beautiful and so precious. Before she was born, I receive regular updates and ultrasounds. His hometown was far from my home but that didn't stop me from attending my goddaughter's birthday celebrations.
I invited his family to my place of work to have dinner with me. When his sister decided to study again, I helped in her thesis. When his sister decided to go back to being a hotelier, I was one of her character references. His family attended my Mother's wake in 2018. That's how we were even after the breakup.
Fast forward to 2021, we met again. We're both single. During that reunion, we said our piece. It was the first time in 6 years that we have personally spoken of what transpired in our relationship. We cried, we said our sorries but ultimately, we felt that we still love each other. We're both scared since we are happy being friends. Both our families know the pain that we felt when we broke up. Understandably, we know that if we choose to be together again, people around us will not accept it but we decided to take the leap of faith.
We were happy and promised to make it work this time. We agreed to a long-distance relationship because we believed we are more mature to handle it.
I was with him during his quarantine (in the Philippines, Seattle, and inside the cruise) since he needs to complete it as a new work protocol. We have opposite timezones so my morning is his evening and vice versa. One will have to stay up late or wake up early. We watch each other sleep via video call. We talked about anything. We even had coffee dates. He's inside his cabin while I sit inside the coffee shop. These are the small sacrifices that we promised to do for our relationship. I hold these moments dearly. Then the quarantine period finished. He started working. Communication became less and less. When he told me that the internet on a cruise is expensive, I accepted that our communication will be minimal. My love language is Act of Service and Quality time which is why it became a concern. We had our talk, I told him that I will support him and understand him. He's really busy and he also does not call his daughter as often as before because his work hours can reach between 12-16 hours per day. He's exhausted by the end of his shift.
The last time we talked, he said he does not feel the same way as he did before he left for work. He felt that we rushed things and now he is unsure of what he felt about me. It broke my heart because when I said yes to him when he asked me if he can be in my life again as a partner, I accepted him wholeheartedly. For me, choosing him again is never a mistake. I gave my trust again even though the reason for our breakup was about trust and loyalty/faithfulness. He told me there's no third party. I believe him.
I am teary-eyed while I type this. Typing it down is somewhat therapeutic. I was single for 2 years before we got back together. I took care of my heart so when someone comes along to offer their love, I am ready to open my heart again. Then he came back, I know my heart is ready to love again. My heart is ready to love him again.
Do I love him? Yes, I still do. I don't know what happened from the time of our last talk to this day because my love for him never falter. Every day, I choose him even on difficult days.
So the question "Should one give a second chance to the person who previously hurt you?" - if you are ready to open your heart again, accept him/her, and ready to get hurt again... then my answer is YES.
Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. - Alfred Lord Tennyson
This song explains how I feel about my relationship: Snoh Aalegra - You
Read this post about him: I thought you were my last
When he asked me how to overcome heartache: How to move on
